Earnhardt Ford Swap Your Ride Commercial

Posted by Eric Schneider April 20, 2011
Categories: Everyday Life, Movies | 1 Comment

Hey check me out, I’m in a YouTube commercial for Earnhardt Ford in Chandler, AZ! It’s part of the Ford Swap Your Ride event. We swapped out Amanda’s Hyundai for a Ford Edge. She’s going to drive it around for a few days then report back on how it compares to her Santa Fe.

Shooting the commercial was super fun. When all the spots are finished, I’ll put together an outtakes video.

Kitty 2.0

Posted by Eric Schneider March 6, 2011
Categories: Everyday Life, Featured | 1 Comment

Oops I did it again! I got myself another feline companion. I’d like to introduce you all to Oatmeal. I adopted her from AZ Happy Tails Animal Rescue at the Pet Adopt-a-thon at Earnhardt Ford.

Oatmeal is 2 years old, and enjoys eating, napping, scratching stuff, and kneading. She’s also very good at meowing, shedding, and pooping (a little too good at pooping if you ask me.)

Oatmeal tested positive for Feline Leukemia , which means she may or may not live a long time, but she will have a very nice life while she’s here.

Too Excited About a Hamburger

Posted by Eric Schneider November 20, 2010
Categories: Comedy, Videos | 1 Comment

Wait. What did he just say?

I think this guy is going to regret this interview for the rest of his life.

Drawing Lessons #7 & #8

Posted by Eric Schneider November 16, 2010
Categories: Drawing Lessons | No Comments

Lesson 7, Portrait Drawings:

Side Profile Drawing
Side Profile Drawing
Profile Drawing
Profile Drawing
 

Lesson 8, Shading:

Shading & Tones: Fisherman Guy
Shading & Tones: Fisherman Guy20-Nov-2010 18:35
 

Click here to see all my drawing lessons.

Drawing Lessons #5 & #6

Posted by Eric Schneider November 10, 2010
Categories: Drawing Lessons | No Comments

Lesson 5, Negative Space Drawing:
Draw the negative space around a chair.

Negative Space Drawing: Chair
Negative Space Drawing: Chair
 

Lesson 6, Perspective Drawings:

Perspective Drawing: My Bedroom
Perspective Drawing: My Bedroom14-Nov-2010 06:35
Perspective Drawing: My Kitchen
Perspective Drawing: My Kitchen14-Nov-2010 15:33
 

Click here to see all my drawing lessons.

Drawing Lessons #3 & #4

Posted by Eric Schneider November 7, 2010
Categories: Drawing Lessons | No Comments

Lesson 3, Recalled Childhood Landscape:
Draw a landscape you remember drawing as a child

Childhood Symbol Drawing
Childhood Symbol Drawing02-Nov-2010 21:08
 

Lesson 4, Contour Drawing of your Hand:
Contour Drawing: Hand
Contour Drawing: Hand07-Nov-2010 05:49
 

Click here to see all my drawing lessons.

Stock Photo Celebrity Look-alikes

Posted by Eric Schneider November 2, 2010
Categories: Miscellaneous, Photos | No Comments

Stock Photo Celebrities

Came across this stock image today. I can’t help but think it looks like David Duchovny, Jennifer Aniston, and Dexter (Michael C Hall) all work in the same office.

Drawing Lessons #2

Posted by Eric Schneider November 2, 2010
Categories: Drawing Lessons | No Comments

Lesson 2, Upside-down Drawings:
Draw the following upside-down images, then turn them right-side-up:

Upside-down Drawing: Man in Chair
Upside-down Drawing: Man in Chair
Upside-Down Drawing: Man on a Horse
Upside-Down Drawing: Man on a Horse
 

Click here to see all my drawing lessons.

Drawing Lessons #1

Posted by Eric Schneider October 31, 2010
Categories: Drawing Lessons, Featured | 1 Comment

Like everyone in my family, I have fairly decent artistic talents, but I don’t exercise my creative muscle as often as I’d like. As far as drawing skills goes, I feel as though I reached my peak back in elementary school, and haven’t progressed much since.

Last year, I received a book called The New Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain for Christmas, and for the past 11 months, it’s been sitting on my shelf collecting dust. While it is a very effective dust collector, its intended use is to teach drawing; or as the cover says, “A course in enhancing creativity and artistic confidence”

So… guess what? I started reading the book, and have completed Lesson #1!

Lesson 1, Pre-instruction Drawings:
Make a record of your current drawing skills. Draw the following images:

  • Self portrait
  • A person, drawn from memory
  • Your hand
Self Portrait
Self Portrait20-Nov-2010 20:55
Memory Drawing: Mom
Memory Drawing: Mom
Contour Drawing: Hand
Contour Drawing: Hand
 

Click here to see all my drawing lessons.

30 Day Challenge: Meditation

Posted by Eric Schneider October 30, 2010
Categories: Everyday Life | 1 Comment

UPDATE: I failed miserably at this challenge. I discovered that meditation is for people who have so much going on in their lives, they need the silence and serenity to keep themselves balanced. I live by myself, and my life is filled with silence and nothingness; so technically, I’m meditating all the time. Scheduling time to do more nothing proved to be a bit too redundant for my liking. On to the next challenge.

Tomorrow is the final day of my No Hat 30 Day Challenge. I would love to say that I achieved some sense of freedom that had been previously shielded by my hat. Unfortunately, that is far from the case. After 29 days without my brimmed yarmulke, I’m ready to glue it back on permanently. I just didn’t feel like myself the entire time. I guess the only positive thing I can take away from the experience is just the satisfaction of following through on a commitment.

For my next 30 day challenge, I will be meditating for 10 minutes every day. Why? I don’t know. I guess I’m just curious what 10 minutes of mind clearing can do for a person. I don’t intend to explore the spiritual aspect of meditation, but if I happen to be transported to another level of consciousness, I will let you know.

Ooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

TX Councilman Delivers a Message to Gay Youth

Posted by Eric Schneider October 20, 2010
Categories: Commentary, Everyday Life | No Comments

We need more government officials like this:

30 Day Challenge

Posted by Eric Schneider September 30, 2010
Categories: Everyday Life | 1 Comment

Last month, I decided to take on a 30 day challenge. For 30 days I refrained from viewing any adult material nor did I participate in any activity associated with viewing said material. It goes without saying it was extremely hard (pun intended.) I made it through, however, and I believe I am now a better man for doing so.

By the way… day 31… RIDICULOUS!

Anyway, my courageous act of selfless restraint seems to have inspired my co-workers to take on their own 30 day challenges. Each person chose one specific thing to do (or not to do) over the course of the next 30 days that would, in some way, have a positive impact on their lives. I am going to participate as well, but this time I’m choosing to do something a bit less… um… personal.

For the next 30 days, I will not wear a baseball cap. Ever since I was given control of what I could wear on my head, I have worn a hat. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, I have a hat on my head. Some nights I even wear it to bed. In fact, I don’t think I’ve even had a job where I couldn’t wear a hat.

Although I’m not bald. my hat is definitely an accessory, without which, I’d feel naked. I’d like to think that going hatless for 30 days will not only prove to myself that I am not a slave to my hat, but also, I hope that it allows people to see a more genuine side of me.

I’m not going to bore you with daily updates of what it’s like to not wear a hat. I wouldn’t even read my own blog if I did that. I will, however, fill you in 30 days from now. Wish me luck!

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, here are my co-workers’ 30 day challenges (using initials to protect their privacy):

A – Post a blog at least 3 times per week.
R – Do some form of exercise for at least 5 minutes per day.
K – Do not wear pants to work. Only dresses and skirts.
D – No ponytail at work.

Cup o’ Kitty

Posted by Eric Schneider September 14, 2010
Categories: Everyday Life, Featured, Photos | No Comments

Two weeks ago I went to As You Wish Pottery and painted a coffee mug. It was the first time I painted anything remotely artistic since maybe high school. I have to say, I am immensely proud of the end result.

My masterpiece was inspired by my favorite photo of my cat, who passed away early this year. She loved to spend time out in the back yard, under the tree, and make squeaky chatter noises at the birds.

Check out the photos below. How can that mug not put a smile on your face?

26-Aug-2010 23:02, Panasonic DMC-FZ7, 3.2, 12.9mm, 0.033 sec, ISO 100
26-Aug-2010 23:03, Panasonic DMC-FZ7, 3.2, 12.9mm, 0.033 sec, ISO 100
26-Aug-2010 23:03, Panasonic DMC-FZ7, 3.2, 12.9mm, 0.033 sec, ISO 100
26-Aug-2010 23:04, Panasonic DMC-FZ7, 3.2, 12.9mm, 0.033 sec, ISO 100
 
26-Aug-2010 23:05, Panasonic DMC-FZ7, 3.2, 12.9mm, 0.033 sec, ISO 100
 

Don’t Spam So Close to Me

Posted by Eric Schneider September 10, 2010
Categories: Miscellaneous | 5 Comments

I got an email today from my hosting company informing me that AOL is complaining about receiving excessive spam from one of my email email addresses. AOL? Who the heck still uses AOL? While I firmly believe those dinosaurs who insist on clinging to AOL deserve to receive as much spam as possible, the fact of the matter is, I have not been intentionally spamming anyone with any of my email accounts.

After a brief investigation, I discovered that the culprit was none other than the “Subscribe to Comments” plug-in, in the library, with a candlestick. You’re off the hook this time, Colonel Mustard, but I still have my eye on you!

Anyways, because comment bots were checking on the “Subscribe to Comments” checkbox, the plug-in was sending out hundreds of opt-in verification emails.

I have since added an invisible captcha feature to the site, but there’s no way for me to test to see if it’s working without risking having my account suspended. So, I uninstalled the Subscribe to Comments plug-in for now, and will revisit the issue again in the future if I ever get more readers other than Kevin Spencer and my family.

UPDATE: The invisible captcha plug-in caused war to break out in the Middle East, so I had to uninstall it. To verify you are flesh and blood and not an agent of the system, you must now solve a simple math problem before submitting comments. Sorry about the additional step, but if we allow spammers free reign, it will cause homosexuality to spread to our children and defile the sanctity of marriage. Shout out to Jesus Chrysler and Ala-Penut Butter Sandwiches.

UPDATE #2: Math plug-in prevented me from replying to comments, so I am now reopening my blog to comment spam. Weeeeeeeee!!!

Video of the Week – “Naturally” by Cousin Phil

Posted by Eric Schneider September 2, 2010
Categories: Featured, Music, Videos | No Comments

This week’s VOW comes from my cousin, Phil Schneider, who is visiting me from New York. Everyone go subscribe to his YouTube channel and bug him to post more videos.

Roaches

Posted by Eric Schneider August 21, 2010
Categories: Commentary, Everyday Life, Featured | No Comments

They say that roaches are such resilient creatures that they are one of the few species thought to be able to survive a global nuclear fallout. I contest that they are not that resilient, and that humans are just too stupid to figure out how to permanently exterminate them. I present, as evidence of my theory, the following conversation with the leasing manager of my apartment complex.

The set-up: I was having issues with roaches in my apartment. Three times, I requested to have my apartment bombed, and three times, they did not bomb.

Me: John, they didn’t bomb again. You assured me they would bomb, and they didn’t bomb.

John: They didn’t do it? Lemme look here… where is that book? Hmmmm… no, they did it. It says right here, they inspected and sprayed.

Me: Look, John, stop right there. You and I know that “inspect and spray” is not the same thing as bombing. I asked for the bomb, you wrote down bomb, and you posted a notice on my door that said bomb. Please don’t try to pretend that they bombed, when you know they didn’t bomb. Just own up to it, say you dropped the ball, and fix the problem.

John: Well I wasn’t here yesterday.

Me: I know you weren’t here. And I don’t expect you to miss your day off, but it’s not unreasonable to expect you to delegate the task to someone else. Especially when you told me you would personally make sure it got done after the first two times they didn’t do it.

John: I think you need to talk to Jason, the Property Manager.

Me: Why do i need to do that?

John: Because I’ve done everything I could do on my end.

Me: John, you just told me you weren’t here yesterday, so how did you do everything on your end?

John: Well I think you should talk to Jason. You would have more chance of getting what you want.

Me: But I just told you what I want. I want them to bomb. What would prevent you from conveying my request to Jason?

John: I don’t understand the problem. You live right next to the office, what’s the big deal? Just come in and talk to Jason.

Me: Well, John, you WORK in the office with Jason. So technically, if proximity is the issue, then you’re closer. In fact, you LIVE above the office, so again, YOU’RE closer. What is so difficult about telling Jason, that I want to have my apartment bombed?

John: Look, Eric, Jason is a nice guy. Just come in here tomorrow, and tell him that you asked to have your apartment bombed three times and…

Me: I KNOW WHAT I WOULD SAY TO JASON BECAUSE I’M SAYING IT TO YOU!!!! AND OBVIOUSLY MY METHOD OF COMMUNICATING DOESN’T WORK BECAUSE I CAN’T GET ANYONE TO LISTEN TO ME!!! SO WHY CAN’T YOU JUST TELL JASON I WANT MY APARTMENT BOMBED?!?!

John: I think the problem is the exterminator didn’t notice sufficient enough activity to bomb. It says in his notes that he only noticed a few dead roaches.

Me: They were dead BECAUSE I KILLED THEM!!! They were “ACTIVE” immediately before I did that!!! And why must I have to live like a slob with food, filth, and roaches everywhere in order to get my apartment bombed? Please tell me!!! Why can’t I just get my apartment bombed?!?!

John: I think you should talk to Jason about that.

Video of the Week – Simon’s Cat, “The Box”

Posted by Eric Schneider August 20, 2010
Categories: Comedy, Videos | No Comments

A new Simon’s Cat! Enjoy :)

The Worst Host Ever

Posted by Eric Schneider August 17, 2010
Categories: Everyday Life | 2 Comments

No, I’m not talking about Nick Cannon from America’s Got Talent. I’m talking about my web host.

I don’t know if anyone noticed, but my website was down for 2 days because my domain expired. The domain that was supposed to have free registration for the duration of my hosting plan. I won’t bother you all with the details about hosting, DNS, registrar transfers, and all that technical stuff. I will say that I am extremely well versed in this area so, to anyone who would assume that I was somehow confused by the process, you can stop sympathizing with the hosting company. No, really… stop it! It was entirely their fault.

Dear Google,

Next time you crawl my site, please index the following keyword phrase:

JustHost.com is the worst hosting company ever!

Love,
Eric

I wasn’t going to mention any names, but what would be the point of complaining unless it can somehow prevent someone from making the same poor choice that I did?

The Honey Wells

Posted by Eric Schneider August 13, 2010
Categories: Commentary, Everyday Life | 2 Comments

In 2009, like many people, I fell victim to “downsizing,” and found myself unemployed for 7 months. During that time, I diligently applied to over 200 positions ranging in pay from $9/hr to $30/hr. With the job market how it was at the time, I was only able to get about 15 interviews. Out of those 15 interviews, I was only offered one position with a company that provided no benefits, no sick pay, no vacation, and paid 25% less than I had been making.

I took that job, and a year later, I’m still working for that same company. From what I understand, and what I see on the job boards, not much has changed in the job market. Without my degree, and without a viable opportunity to go back to school, I feel like I’m stuck even though I’m at a point in my life when I’m ready to start acting like a grown up. There’s more to this whole stuck part, but I’ll save that for another depressing post. Just trust me when I say I’m stuck.

Anyway, I stopped into Circle K today after work to pick up a snack. While I was waiting in line, a brand new $40k SUV with custom chrome rims pulls up in front of the store. A young man gets out of the driver side wearing a white on white flat brimmed Yankees cap spun to the side, a white tank top, and jeans pulled down below his boxer shorts. He’s on a call on his cell phone as he walks into the store and this is what I hear:

Yeah, dog… I been had my orientation already… word… yeah I’m just waitin’ on my fuckin’, uh fuckin’ ummmm national security clearance badge n’ shit… Yeah, dog, I was scurred (scared) bout dat shit too cuz my credit is fucked up and dey look at dat shit… Yeah they check yo record too, dog… Nah, I ain’t got no felonies, dog… Nah, man I wasn’t convicted fo dat shit, and they lowered the charge on dat other shit, so I’m cool, yo. Yeah, so once I get my clearance badge, I’ll be workin’ at The Honeywells n’ shit.”

Now I have no idea what position this young man landed with “The Honeywells,” but I do know that while I was unemployed, I applied to Honeywell as an office administrator, and they didn’t even respond to my resume. I also applied to the Scottsdale Police Department as a dispatcher and could not get through their security clearance because of credit issues from 14 years ago. I guess national security clearance isn’t that strict.

Best of luck to you, young man, in your new career.

FML

Look, Ma… No Ads!

Posted by Eric Schneider August 10, 2010
Categories: Miscellaneous | No Comments

HahahaComedy.com is now 99.9% ad free (I’m keeping the link to my brother’s fitness studio on the left.) Thanks to the 3 people who clicked on my AdSense over the past 10 months. That $0.53 will definitely be put to good use.

To supplement the loss of revenue, I will be launching HahahaComedy Plus™ in the Fall of 2010. This premium version of HahahaComedy will offer readers:

  • Unlimited page views
  • Vertical and horizontal scrolling
  • The ability to copy and paste text and images
  • 24hr response to all blog comments
  • VIP access to my Amazon Wish List
  • A FREE copy of my poorly selling e-book: “Top Ten Secrets to Being Mediocre”

The introductory price for HHHC+ membership will be $10 per month. The first 1,000 or more readers to sign up will get the non-exclusive opportunity to meet me in person and buy me lunch. No kissing on the mouth.

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