Dr. Tykak… Paging Dr. Tykak
What’s up with the hierarchy of friends on my myspace friends list? Occupying the top spot is some gay dude from NJ. To be truthful, I have no official confirmation that he’s gay. He just looks gay. Is it possible that friends are just listed randomly? That would totally screw with my compulsive need to have everything make sense.
Anyway, I went to the dentist today for the first time in uhhhhhh 13 years. Lucky for me, I have a good set of choppers and it doesn’t appear as if the Cavity Creeps invaded my mouth. The bad news is I have 13 years of plaque build-up that needs to be removed with a jackhammer. The other bad news is I need to have all 4 of my wisdom teeth pulled. I shall be completely void of wisdom soon.
I have to say that a lot has changed since my last visit to the dentist. They remove plaque with sound now! Did you know that? You did? Well that’s probably because you all had parents who loved you and cared about your oral hygiene. Anyway it’s very cool, but the coolness factor is completely offset by the fact that it hurts like hell. I just had a surface cleaning today, but I have to go back in a few weeks for part one of the DEEP cleaning.
So here’s a little funny story: I used to work at a car dealership for about 7 years in the Internet sales department. It was a pretty fun job. I worked with a bunch of young guys who liked to party and make a fast dollar. It was sorta like working in a fraternity. Most of the time, the environment was raucous and juvenile, characterized by our non-stop cursing, fighting, and ball busting. To express our affinity for each other, we’d call each other endearing names like “dick face”, “ballsackomajorawitz”, and my personal favorite “dirty cock”. We actually used “dirty cock” for almost every occasion; similar to the word “dude”.
So, yesterday I stopped by the dealership to say hi to the old gang. As soon as I walked in the door, I was greeted with an enthusiastic, “HEEEEYYYY!!! DIRTY COCK!!!” Ahhhhh the sounds of home! 
I made my rounds, saying hi to everyone I knew; stopping once in a while to have a quick conversation. When I walked past the finance office, I heard my name being called by my friend Ken. He asked me to come talk to him because he had a big surprise for me. I walked into his office and, from underneath a stack of papers, Ken pulled this thing out:
Needless to say, I was like “DIRTY COCK!!!! How the F did you get the State to make that? Don’t you have to explain to them what it means?”
You’re not going to believe this, but he told the Motor Vehicle Department that he’s a doctor, he has a side business selling neckties, and he also loves to kayak. So he took Doctor Tie and Kayak and combined them to make DRTYKAK.
It turns out, his wife wouldn’t let him put the license plate on his truck, so he gave it to me! I can throw it on my car for a $25 transfer fee, but I have no idea how I’m going to explain why I have DIRTY COCK on my license plate. I don’t think Ill be able to get away with the whole Doctor Tie Kayak thing. How many doctors do you know drive a 1990 Ford Probe?
The World Famous Dr. Tykak
