El Paino en el Asso

October 3, 2005, Posted by Eric Schneider at 2:13 am

Just when I started to think I was insignificant, I go away for a few days, and everyone wants to know what happened to me.

No need to worry. I’m alive and well. In fact, I went to Rocky Point on Thursday and got back late in the afternoon yesterday.

What started out as a long anticipated getaway filled with fun and relaxation turned out to be an aggravating series of inconveniences and drama between friends. Here’s the short version:

This year’s Mexico group consisted of about 40 people.  We rented 6 condos on the beach overlooking the ocean. My condo had 6 people in it: me, Rory, Mike, Bracken, Andy, and Andy’s wife (I forgot her name). Out of all the condos, ours ends up being the one that had a horrendous sewage problem.  The entire place smelled like human feces. It was so bad, the very first night, Andy and his wife made the decision to go home first thing in the morning.

My friend Larry, and the rest of the gang convinced them to stay, and Andy agreed to try to stick it out. When morning came, however, Andy had a change of heart and decided to leave anyway.  In order to get his portion of the deposit back, Andy checked all of us out of the condo without discussing it with the rest of the group; leaving me, Rory, Bracken, and Mike stranded with no place to stay.

Between the 4 of us, we didn’t have enough money to get another condo, so Larry offered to let us stay in his. I felt a bit uncomfortable because there were already 3 married couples and two children staying there.  Larry’s wife, however, got pissed off because Larry didn’t clear it with her before he made the offer.  She wanted us to pay an equal portion of the condo fee, but I would have rather gone home than pay to sleep on a couch and use my pajama bottoms as a towel.

That night, the air conditioning went out on the first floor, and guess who was the only person sleeping on the first floor? You got it!  So I slept in a disgusting puddle of sweat and couch juice, and ended up breaking out in giant zits all over my back and scalp. For the rest of the trip, the AC stayed broken, and the weather was so hot and humid, I went through 4 shirts in one night.

Other Mexico highlights:

One entire condo of people from our group got arrested (for what I still don’t know) and they ended up fleeing the country.

Bracken mixed up a batch of his self-titled “Brack Attack” alcoholic beverage, and poisoned his liver with multiple doses, transforming him into a fountain of shrimp flavored vomit (see images below). In between heaves, he begged us all not to let him die, and proclaimed his love for his wife and daughter, and of course, Carlita the Mexican stripper he met that night.

Beach Boy and the Shrimp Shack Shooters strapped on the guitar, keyboard, harmonica, bongos, and maracas, and really put on a great show Saturday night. By far, the best part of the weekend.

Justin Lavender added another notch to his bedpost, managing to close the deal in less than two minutes. A new land speed record.

Somehow, Hooks was able to avoid any near death experiences this time. However, for the second year in a row, he broke a chair and fell on his ass. Oh, and he lost focus while pissing and peed all over his robe. Who the F wears a robe anyway???

I guess that’s it. I think I’m ready for a vacation now.

Click on the thumbnails below to see photos of the trip.
WARNING!!!
Photo 150 is of human poo (not mine).

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I come in paz.
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Hooks don't take no mess.
Hooks don't take no mess.29-Sep-2005 13:41, SONY DSC-P200, 2.8, 7.9mm, 0.005 sec, ISO 100
Hey... she didn't pay for that water!
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Auditioning for a UNICEF commercial.
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Hey... that looks familiar!
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Would you guys set a date already!
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I'll add this to my Mrs. Johnson collection.
I'll add this to my Mrs. Johnson collection.29-Sep-2005 14:08, SONY DSC-P200, 5.6, 7.9mm, 0.003 sec, ISO 100
Hi Marcy!
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Note to self.  Max hates the camera.
Note to self. Max hates the camera.29-Sep-2005 14:09, SONY DSC-P200, 2.8, 7.9mm, 0.005 sec, ISO 100
Does it get any better?
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Brian drinking the Devil's nectar.
Brian drinking the Devil's nectar.29-Sep-2005 15:07, SONY DSC-P200, 2.8, 7.9mm, 0.033 sec, ISO 200
Smiling at the Sun Set Cantina.
Smiling at the Sun Set Cantina.29-Sep-2005 15:59, SONY DSC-P200, 2.8, 7.9mm, 0.025 sec, ISO 100
Scenery.
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I love this picture.
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Blurry Max.
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Clear Max.
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Why is everyone laughing at me?
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Nice cock!
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Presenting the comedy stylings of The Crazy Guy at the Pool:
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Why did the siamese twins go to England?
Why did the siamese twins go to England?29-Sep-2005 18:45, SONY DSC-P200, 2.8, 7.9mm, 0.125 sec, ISO 100
The other one wanted to learn to drive!
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Thank you very much!  You're a great crowd.
Thank you very much! You're a great crowd.29-Sep-2005 18:46, SONY DSC-P200, 2.8, 7.9mm, 0.125 sec, ISO 100
Lorry looking buff thanks to the light bending properties of water.
Lorry looking buff thanks to the light bending properties of water.29-Sep-2005 18:54, SONY DSC-P200, 2.8, 7.9mm, 0.125 sec, ISO 100
Larry being bouyant.
Larry being bouyant.29-Sep-2005 18:54, SONY DSC-P200, 2.8, 7.9mm, 0.125 sec, ISO 120
Hey... is that Poseidon?
Hey... is that Poseidon?29-Sep-2005 18:55, SONY DSC-P200, 2.8, 7.9mm, 0.125 sec, ISO 100
I don't know her well enough to make comments.
I don't know her well enough to make comments.29-Sep-2005 18:55, SONY DSC-P200, 2.8, 7.9mm, 0.125 sec, ISO 100
Whatever happens in Mexico... ends up on the website.
Whatever happens in Mexico... ends up on the website.29-Sep-2005 19:07, SONY DSC-P200, 2.8, 7.9mm, 0.125 sec, ISO 100
How can one black man scare a whole city of people living in poverty?
How can one black man scare a whole city of people living in poverty?29-Sep-2005 19:09, SONY DSC-P200, 2.8, 7.9mm, 0.125 sec, ISO 120
The only ones taking advantage of the dance time.
The only ones taking advantage of the dance time.29-Sep-2005 19:56, SONY DSC-P200, 2.8, 7.9mm, 0.025 sec, ISO 100
?Can you believe these colors??
?Can you believe these colors??29-Sep-2005 19:58, SONY DSC-P200, 2.8, 7.9mm, 0.025 sec, ISO 100
Andy is in the back contemplating his escape.
Andy is in the back contemplating his escape.29-Sep-2005 19:59, SONY DSC-P200, 2.8, 7.9mm, 0.025 sec, ISO 100
The most pathetic dog ever.
The most pathetic dog ever.29-Sep-2005 19:59, SONY DSC-P200, 2.8, 7.9mm, 0.025 sec, ISO 100
Doing the running boy.
Doing the running boy.29-Sep-2005 20:02, SONY DSC-P200, 2.8, 7.9mm, 0.025 sec, ISO 100
Is it really safe to jump from here?
Is it really safe to jump from here?29-Sep-2005 20:02, SONY DSC-P200, 2.8, 7.9mm, 0.025 sec, ISO 200
Holy crap!
Holy crap!29-Sep-2005 20:02, SONY DSC-P200, 2.8, 7.9mm, 0.025 sec, ISO 100
Mrs. Johnson and her quesadilla.
Mrs. Johnson and her quesadilla.29-Sep-2005 20:04, SONY DSC-P200, 2.8, 7.9mm, 0.025 sec, ISO 100
Lincoln still dancing.
Lincoln still dancing.29-Sep-2005 20:05, SONY DSC-P200, 5.6, 7.9mm, 0.004 sec, ISO 160
Max doing the Carlton.
Max doing the Carlton.29-Sep-2005 20:06, SONY DSC-P200, 5.6, 7.9mm, 0.004 sec, ISO 200
Um... Lincoln again.
Um... Lincoln again.29-Sep-2005 20:06, SONY DSC-P200, 5.6, 7.9mm, 0.004 sec, ISO 120
Pop and lock baby!
Pop and lock baby!29-Sep-2005 20:10, SONY DSC-P200, 5.6, 7.9mm, 0.004 sec, ISO 100

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