The Honey Wells

August 13, 2010, Posted by Eric Schneider at 11:05 pm

In 2009, like many people, I fell victim to “downsizing,” and found myself unemployed for 7 months. During that time, I diligently applied to over 200 positions ranging in pay from $9/hr to $30/hr. With the job market how it was at the time, I was only able to get about 15 interviews. Out of those 15 interviews, I was only offered one position with a company that provided no benefits, no sick pay, no vacation, and paid 25% less than I had been making.

I took that job, and a year later, I’m still working for that same company. From what I understand, and what I see on the job boards, not much has changed in the job market. Without my degree, and without a viable opportunity to go back to school, I feel like I’m stuck even though I’m at a point in my life when I’m ready to start acting like a grown up. There’s more to this whole stuck part, but I’ll save that for another depressing post. Just trust me when I say I’m stuck.

Anyway, I stopped into Circle K today after work to pick up a snack. While I was waiting in line, a brand new $40k SUV with custom chrome rims pulls up in front of the store. A young man gets out of the driver side wearing a white on white flat brimmed Yankees cap spun to the side, a white tank top, and jeans pulled down below his boxer shorts. He’s on a call on his cell phone as he walks into the store and this is what I hear:

Yeah, dog… I been had my orientation already… word… yeah I’m just waitin’ on my fuckin’, uh fuckin’ ummmm national security clearance badge n’ shit… Yeah, dog, I was scurred (scared) bout dat shit too cuz my credit is fucked up and dey look at dat shit… Yeah they check yo record too, dog… Nah, I ain’t got no felonies, dog… Nah, man I wasn’t convicted fo dat shit, and they lowered the charge on dat other shit, so I’m cool, yo. Yeah, so once I get my clearance badge, I’ll be workin’ at The Honeywells n’ shit.”

Now I have no idea what position this young man landed with “The Honeywells,” but I do know that while I was unemployed, I applied to Honeywell as an office administrator, and they didn’t even respond to my resume. I also applied to the Scottsdale Police Department as a dispatcher and could not get through their security clearance because of credit issues from 14 years ago. I guess national security clearance isn’t that strict.

Best of luck to you, young man, in your new career.


Currently have 2 Comments

  1. I was in Walgreens the other day and someone ahead of me in the line was on his phone talking exactly like that. White guy. After a while I just couldn’t help giggling. It sounded so utterly ridiculous. I think at one point I probably laughed out loud as he gave me “a look” but all I could do was grin.

  2. avatar Eric Schneider says:

    I love rap music but the hip-hop “culture” is ruining the world.

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