All posts tagged “babies

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Sea Lions, Whales & Babies… Oh My!


This past weekend, I went to San Diego to visit my sister. It also just happened to be the 36th anniversary of my journey from the womb to um… about a foot outside the womb. To celebrate that momentous occasion, my sister treated me to a day at Sea World.

We did everything Sea World had to offer except for the rides (I get sick.) We saw the dolphin show, the otters and sea lions, the Sesame Street 4D movie (a 3D movie where they spray you with water), the sharks, the piranhas, and a slew of other fascinating sea creatures. Of course we also saw Shamu; or as we like to call him, “Shmoo”. In fact, we enjoyed the first show so much, we stayed for the evening show as well. All in all, we spent 10 hours at Sea World and returned home with monster sunburns. Well worth it!

Baby Making Department:

In other news, my best friend and his wife just had a baby! Out of respect for their privacy, I won’t post any images or use any names. Let’s just say he’s small, and cute, and undoubtedly human. Sorry, aliens… not this time!!!

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Singing the Bored at Work Blues

ZZzzzz ZZZZzzzzzzz….

Holy crap am I bored or what? The only thing keeping me awake is my co-worker yelling at her kids over the phone. I hate when parents drag their kids’ drama into the workplace. Maybe I’m mean, but I don’t care about other people’s kids. Wait, let me clarify. I love kids. It’s the parents I don’t care for. Especially when their kids are small and you have to hear them brag about how talented their 2 yr old is: Oh, little Mikey bangs on the table. He’s gonna be a famous drummer! And little Kathy plays with her own poop. She’s going to be a famous sculptor! Whatever! Come talk to me when little Kathy is 15 and she’s hopped on crystal meth and getting doinked by 50yr old perverts so she can pay for her next score.

Lots of my friends have kids now, and it’s almost impossible for them to talk about anything other than their children. EVER! I was at a strip club with a friend and this chick jumps up on the pole upside down, spreads her legs, and starts spinning around like a helicopter. There’s boobs and cooch flying everywhere and my friend says “Lincoln would have such a good time here. He’d ask to slide down the fireman’s pole.”

I don’t know, but I just don’t want to be thinking about my friend’s 2yr. old son when I’m staring at naked women. Sorta ruins the mood.

I can’t wait until I have kids, I’m going to bore the fuck out of everyone within a 3 mile radius with every mundane detail about my child. I’m going to force everyone to know the color of its poop to every new sound they make. In fact, I’m going publish a newsletter and make everyone I know read it while I read over their shoulders and comment and point at everything I wrote. Then, I’ll make them laugh at all the  things only I find cute and funny.

How’d I get off on that whole tangent? I was supposed to be talking about how bored I am at work.

OH, by the way, my little questionnaire thingy is going great. I have about 40 responses so far and I’m really accumulating some great data. I think you’ll find it pretty interesting. I’m going to wait until next week to tally up everything and publish the results and my conclusion.

Submit your answers if you haven’t done so already.

I have to go now… later!