Ha ha ha! Comedy Eric Schneider, Comedian

I got the whole thing straightened out with the camera. I can start bragging now:

$284 for a brand new Sony DSC-P200! Out the door! Tax, title, and license! Beat THAT suckers!!!

(If you really do beat it, I don’t want to know. )

So after I went to the bank to clear up the camera mess, I stopped by my local gym and got a membership. I even signed up for a trainer (talk about sucker.) The good news is everyone there seemed pretty nice, although people always seem to be nice when you’re giving them your money. My trainer is this short, kinda wiry, very muscular black dude named Antonio. He seems to have a rather guarded, stoic, and even mean disposition, and doesn’t talk very much. When I told him I’d like to concentrate on losing fat, and getting toned he said, “Yeah you needs to get rid of dem man titties!”

HE’S PERFECT!!!

Antonio and I seem to have nothing in common so I don’t have to worry about feeling obligated to have idle chit chat about sports n’ shit while I’m working out PLUS he seems to be just as disgusted with my body as I am so I can probably count on him to work me hard. I start my training on Wednesday, and to celebrate I went out and bought some sausage and peppers for dinner and a banana cream pie and ice cream for dessert. Yummy!

For those of you who are less interested in my quest to get fit, don’t worry I won’t turn my blog into a complete “Look at me, I’m losing weight, I’m so great!” sort of thing. God knows there aren’t a lot of things more annoying than a chubby person going on and on about what they eat, and how they exercise. Chances are I’m going to give up, so it’ll just be less embarrassing if I don’t spend the next few months preaching the fitness gospel to you.

So silently, to yourselves, wish me luck and I’ll hit you with an update soon.

P.S. If any of you live in Mesa and you want to join a gym, go see Katherine at Fitness Works on McKellips. I get no kickback, she just took really good care of me today and I always appreciate good service.

I’m such a retard.

Long Version (for Short Version scroll down)

Several years back, I had a Sony digital camera that I used for work. I loved that camera. Unfortunately, it belonged to the company so when I changed jobs, I had to give the camera back. Jerks! So, I decided I would buy myself the same camera but I ended up doing so much research on cameras, I researched myself right out of buying the one that I wanted, and got a Canon instead. Well, the Canon wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t great, and although I kept it for a few years, I never really liked it.

This past holiday season, I decided to give my Canon to someone as a gift, and planned to finally get the Sony.  Then, like an idiot, I did the exact same thing and ended up with an Epson. See, what had happened was my mom had an older Epson that took great pictures, so I figured  surely their newer cameras must be really good. Well they aren’t. In fact, the camera I bought sucked so much, it went from $299 to $79 after the holidays.

So, feeling completely ripped off,  I sold the Epson to this girl at work for $150 (she’ll never know) and then went straight to eBay and ordered the Sony I originally wanted (actually it was a bit newer version than the original). Weeks went by and nothing ever came in the mail. Eventually, I went online to check the tracking number from DHL.  According to their website, it said they delivered the camera about a week earlier but no one ever signed for it. They just left it uncovered, at my front door, in my shitty ass neighborhood.

First of all, the only vehicle access to my townhouse is at the back entrance, not the front.  Also, all mail and package deliveries are made to the back door, not the front. In fact, you wouldn’t believe how difficult it is to even get to the front door.  You have to actually park in the back then walk around the block about a 1/4 mile to deliver something to the front door. UPS, FedEx, and the US Postal Service all seem to understand this, but DHL and the frigging Pizza Hut guy have some sort of common sense deficiency. Anyway, it was clear that one of my scum bag neighbors stole my camera, and I’ve been cameraless ever since.

(Begin Short Version)

For 7 months now, I’ve had my eye on the newest 7MP Sony camera. It retails for $399 but the price has been slowly dropping… VERY VERY slowly. Too slowly if you ask me. Right now, the cheapest price on the Internet is $329 including shipping.

Late last night (early this morning), while browsing eBay I came across this guy who was auctioning off two Dell Discount Promotion Codes for  Sony cameras. There were no restrictions on the discounts so you could combine the two codes to get a giant discount on one camera! I figured, there’s no way I’m going to pay some jackass for coupon codes when I can try to find them myself on the Internet. And what’d ya know? I found them!

So, with my coupon codes locked and loaded, I logged onto Dell’s website and ordered my elusive Sony camera for $284!!! Are you kidding me?!? I was filled with pure glee and excitement and other synonyms. A few minutes later, I received an email confirming my order for two cameras for $663. Wait… what the fuck?!?! In my excitement, I must have double clicked the “Add to Cart” button and ordered 2 cameras by mistake!

I tried to cancel one of the cameras but I couldn’t because they split the promotion codes over the two cameras. One code per camera. If I canceled one I would also be canceling one of the discount codes.  So I decided  just to cancel both cameras and REORDER another camera using both codes. I’m so smart.

This created a whole new problem. My bank was now under the impression that I just tried to order $900 worth of cameras from Dell in the past 30 minutes, and they put a block on my account.  Not only did they decline the order for the third camera but I couldn’t even cancel the order for the first two cameras. Now I have to wait for normal business hours in order to call Dell and my bank to fix this mess.

Here’s the kicker… I think one of the promo codes expires this weekend. So, if I run into any problems convincing my bank to lift the block, I could be screwed. Grrrrrrrrr! I’m sure it’s not the end of the world, but what a fucking pain in the ass! I guess that’s what I get for being such a tightwad. But $284… c’mon, you have to admit that’s a great deal!