No need to worry. I’m alive and well. In fact, I went to Rocky Point on Thursday and got back late in the afternoon yesterday.

What started out as a long anticipated getaway filled with fun and relaxation turned out to be an aggravating series of inconveniences and drama between friends. Here’s the short version:

This year’s Mexico group consisted of about 40 people.  We rented 6 condos on the beach overlooking the ocean. My condo had 6 people in it: me, Rory, Mike, Bracken, Andy, and Andy’s wife (I forgot her name). Out of all the condos, ours ends up being the one that had a horrendous sewage problem.  The entire place smelled like human feces. It was so bad, the very first night, Andy and his wife made the decision to go home first thing in the morning.

My friend Larry, and the rest of the gang convinced them to stay, and Andy agreed to try to stick it out. When morning came, however, Andy had a change of heart and decided to leave anyway.  In order to get his portion of the deposit back, Andy checked all of us out of the condo without discussing it with the rest of the group; leaving me, Rory, Bracken, and Mike stranded with no place to stay.

Between the 4 of us, we didn’t have enough money to get another condo, so Larry offered to let us stay in his. I felt a bit uncomfortable because there were already 3 married couples and two children staying there.  Larry’s wife, however, got pissed off because Larry didn’t clear it with her before he made the offer.  She wanted us to pay an equal portion of the condo fee, but I would have rather gone home than pay to sleep on a couch and use my pajama bottoms as a towel.

That night, the air conditioning went out on the first floor, and guess who was the only person sleeping on the first floor? You got it!  So I slept in a disgusting puddle of sweat and couch juice, and ended up breaking out in giant zits all over my back and scalp. For the rest of the trip, the AC stayed broken, and the weather was so hot and humid, I went through 4 shirts in one night.

Other Mexico highlights:

One entire condo of people from our group got arrested (for what I still don’t know) and they ended up fleeing the country.

Bracken mixed up a batch of his self-titled “Brack Attack” alcoholic beverage, and poisoned his liver with multiple doses, transforming him into a fountain of shrimp flavored vomit (see images below). In between heaves, he begged us all not to let him die, and proclaimed his love for his wife and daughter, and of course, Carlita the Mexican stripper he met that night.

Beach Boy and the Shrimp Shack Shooters strapped on the guitar, keyboard, harmonica, bongos, and maracas, and really put on a great show Saturday night. By far, the best part of the weekend.

Justin Lavender added another notch to his bedpost, managing to close the deal in less than two minutes. A new land speed record.

Somehow, Hooks was able to avoid any near death experiences this time. However, for the second year in a row, he broke a chair and fell on his ass. Oh, and he lost focus while pissing and peed all over his robe. Who the F wears a robe anyway???

I guess that’s it. I think I’m ready for a vacation now.

Click on the thumbnails below to see photos of the trip.
WARNING!!! Photo 150 is of human poo (not mine).

Rocky Point 10-05

I come in paz.	Hooks don’t take no mess.	Hey… she didn’t pay for that water!	Auditioning for a UNICEF commercial.	Hey… that looks familiar!	Would you guys set a date already!	I’ll add this to my Mrs. Johnson collection.
Hi Marcy!	Note to self. Max hates the camera.	Does it get any better?	Brian drinking the Devil’s nectar.	Smiling at the Sun Set Cantina.	Scenery.	I love this picture.
Blurry Max.	Clear Max.	Why is everyone laughing at me?	Nice cock!	Presenting the comedy stylings of The Crazy Guy at the Pool:	Why did the siamese twins go to England?	The other one wanted to learn to drive!
Thank you very much! You’re a great crowd.	Lorry looking buff thanks to the light bending properties of water.	Larry being bouyant.	Hey… is that Poseidon?	I don’t know her well enough to make comments.	Whatever happens in Mexico… ends up on the website.	How can one black man scare a whole city of people living in poverty?
The only ones taking advantage of the dance time.	?Can you believe these colors??	Andy is in the back contemplating his escape.	The most pathetic dog ever.	Doing the running boy.	Is it really safe to jump from here?	Holy crap!
Mrs. Johnson and her quesadilla.	Lincoln still dancing.	Max doing the Carlton.	Um… Lincoln again.	Pop and lock baby!	High five!	High fifteen.
Raising the roof.	A little mommy, son dancing.	Hey guys! What? What’s wrong? Who’s that lady in the back?	Bracken and Richmond look into each other’s eyes.	What’s more fun than Mexican Karaoke? Uh… everything!	Building the relationship one bottle at a time.	Justin getting the two dollar bump.
Big Red.	I’m getting tired of these captions… someone else do this one.	Too bad this wasn’t real.	King Lincoln on his throne.	Gage	And again.	Hooks, day 2, shirt 1.
Have salmon, will travel.	Woman on chair.	Hooks losing patience with the whole condo crap.	Fucker!	No more condo… but at least you got that cool hat.	Kids in the sand.	I’m captioned out.
He looks like that Jerry McGwire kid.	Me ignoring Max’s distaste for photography.	No harmonicas, but we can rent a karaoke machine!	Me pooping. No I didn’t use the baby wipes.	Rocky Point skyline.	Braken puffin on Mike’s cigar.	Luke waiting for the ole bottle trick.
It’s Shane.	Beads n’ shells.	Ceramic Jesus is watching.	Finally a store that sells Rap Music.	Poster 1	Poster 2	Poster 3… ok I’m done.
Mrs. Johnson getting her Thrifty fix.	Nice new sunglasses!	Ice cream makes everyone happy.	Very serious licker.	Then again…	Bob is a lucky man.	This guy again.
Plates.	Mint chocolate chip boob.	More Mexican chachskies.	Sorry, Hooks, it’s a trick!	Michelle trying on other people’s head lice.	My sweat tiger stripes.	Awwwww… friends.
Super Max.	Lincoln on the bongos.	1, 2, 3, 4…. 4 chins… ah ha ha ha ha!	Max, about to make a break for it.	My big head.	B and M.	Bracken resting up for a fun filled evening.
Mike resting while the batteries charge on his PSP.	I followed him out just to watch him fall.	I win!!!	Donny explaining why he’s never wrong.	Melissa in her Guacamole green shirt.	Pure evil.	There’s only one Mrs. Johnson… ok… two.
Go Wildcats!	Luke pretending he’s having a good time.	More sky and water and sand.	And bush.	Pretty.	Lincoln warming up his maracas.	Sunset
More sunset.	Sisters.	See previous caption.	Beach Boy and the Shrimp Shack Shooters.	Check, check one… check.	Nice fingering!	Beach strumming his G-String.
—-	Rory Hooks, master of the first verse.	Shrimp.	All we’re missing is Frankie and Annette.	Michelle stepping in poop.	It’s fun being a girl!	Melissa and Jenny.
The alcohol is starting to take effect.		I’m willing to put another 20 bucks on this one.	Bracken pre Brack Attack	The evening slowly heads downhill.	OK… I’ll refrained from making any gay references… but c’mon!	Big Red droppin’ heavy.
Hooks trying to remember the first verse from that one song.	Me pooping again. I broke off 4 that weekend!	Bracken in mid rant.	Rant complete… commence vomiting!	What a mess.	Shrimp anyone?	Holy geez… this is gross!
Larry and Nemo marveling at the effects of the Brack Attack.	Jenny’s little feet.	Just when you thought I couldn’t take another picture of the water.	The morning after.	Can you identify your attacker?	Big Red ready to go home.	Daddy why is there shrimp all over the sand out there??
He won’t stop dancing.	Time to pack up the blue caterpillar bee thingy.	The Brack Attack strikes back! Sorry Bracken!	Our pretty condos.	Donny blending in.	Shane.	Captain Broccoli
Load em up and ship em out.	Superstar!	Lincoln on his 5th Brack Attack.	6th	The desert.	Hooks.	Hey, I’m actually not on a toilet!
I’ll use Larry instead.	Lincoln.	And finally we’re at Pizza Hut.

Does anyone else see anything not quite right here? I’d be interested in finding out if anyone thinks this is no big deal.

I look at it this way: I don’t think I would post a picture of my ding dong next to a picture of my child. I don’t have children yet so I am just speculating, but I’m pretty sure I still wouldn’t do that. It just seems wrong somehow.Would it be ok if I posted a picture of my ding dong next to a picture of someone else’s child? For some reason that seems even worse.

Well, hey… whatever.

In related news, I read that a 40 yr old woman was arrested for hosting high school sex parties for her daughter and her friends. She provided the booze, the drugs and even participated in the action. She told police she just wanted to be a “cool Mom.” I have to say, if it weren’t so creepy, disgusting, and wrong, she could possibly be the coolest mom in the world!

The mom got caught because some kid that she serviced went and told his parents. He actually told police he thought she was a cool mom until he found out she was a pedophile! I wonder if he found out she was a pedophile before or after she banged him? Either way, I’m sure that kid is getting beat up for ruining it for the rest of kids.

Believe it or not, I actually participated in sex parties when I was in High School. Unfortunately, these parties were held in my bathroom, and I was only guest that would show up. I went to a lot of parties.

ANYWAY… I’m hitting the garage sale circuit this weekend. Gonna go look at a few couches. The Fabulous Amy D. told me about craigslist.org to find pretty much ANYTHING you can imagine for sale. I’m sure you all knew about it already, so no need to be as excited as I am. Thanks Amy! By the way… if you happen to be a gay dude, that craigslist is a pretty good way to hook up for some hot stranger ding dong in various restrooms around the Valley.

I think that’s all I have for tonight. Until the mind starts spinning again… have a good one!

Long Version (for Short Version scroll down)

Several years back, I had a Sony digital camera that I used for work. I loved that camera. Unfortunately, it belonged to the company so when I changed jobs, I had to give the camera back. Jerks! So, I decided I would buy myself the same camera but I ended up doing so much research on cameras, I researched myself right out of buying the one that I wanted, and got a Canon instead. Well, the Canon wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t great, and although I kept it for a few years, I never really liked it.

This past holiday season, I decided to give my Canon to someone as a gift, and planned to finally get the Sony.  Then, like an idiot, I did the exact same thing and ended up with an Epson. See, what had happened was my mom had an older Epson that took great pictures, so I figured  surely their newer cameras must be really good. Well they aren’t. In fact, the camera I bought sucked so much, it went from $299 to $79 after the holidays.

So, feeling completely ripped off,  I sold the Epson to this girl at work for $150 (she’ll never know) and then went straight to eBay and ordered the Sony I originally wanted (actually it was a bit newer version than the original). Weeks went by and nothing ever came in the mail. Eventually, I went online to check the tracking number from DHL.  According to their website, it said they delivered the camera about a week earlier but no one ever signed for it. They just left it uncovered, at my front door, in my shitty ass neighborhood.

First of all, the only vehicle access to my townhouse is at the back entrance, not the front.  Also, all mail and package deliveries are made to the back door, not the front. In fact, you wouldn’t believe how difficult it is to even get to the front door.  You have to actually park in the back then walk around the block about a 1/4 mile to deliver something to the front door. UPS, FedEx, and the US Postal Service all seem to understand this, but DHL and the frigging Pizza Hut guy have some sort of common sense deficiency. Anyway, it was clear that one of my scum bag neighbors stole my camera, and I’ve been cameraless ever since.

(Begin Short Version)

For 7 months now, I’ve had my eye on the newest 7MP Sony camera. It retails for $399 but the price has been slowly dropping… VERY VERY slowly. Too slowly if you ask me. Right now, the cheapest price on the Internet is $329 including shipping.

Late last night (early this morning), while browsing eBay I came across this guy who was auctioning off two Dell Discount Promotion Codes for  Sony cameras. There were no restrictions on the discounts so you could combine the two codes to get a giant discount on one camera! I figured, there’s no way I’m going to pay some jackass for coupon codes when I can try to find them myself on the Internet. And what’d ya know? I found them!

So, with my coupon codes locked and loaded, I logged onto Dell’s website and ordered my elusive Sony camera for $284!!! Are you kidding me?!? I was filled with pure glee and excitement and other synonyms. A few minutes later, I received an email confirming my order for two cameras for $663. Wait… what the fuck?!?! In my excitement, I must have double clicked the “Add to Cart” button and ordered 2 cameras by mistake!

I tried to cancel one of the cameras but I couldn’t because they split the promotion codes over the two cameras. One code per camera. If I canceled one I would also be canceling one of the discount codes.  So I decided  just to cancel both cameras and REORDER another camera using both codes. I’m so smart.

This created a whole new problem. My bank was now under the impression that I just tried to order $900 worth of cameras from Dell in the past 30 minutes, and they put a block on my account.  Not only did they decline the order for the third camera but I couldn’t even cancel the order for the first two cameras. Now I have to wait for normal business hours in order to call Dell and my bank to fix this mess.

Here’s the kicker… I think one of the promo codes expires this weekend. So, if I run into any problems convincing my bank to lift the block, I could be screwed. Grrrrrrrrr! I’m sure it’s not the end of the world, but what a fucking pain in the ass! I guess that’s what I get for being such a tightwad. But $284… c’mon, you have to admit that’s a great deal!